This is another re-posting from my old blog, from 6 November 2009, in which I attempted to explain to Alan Johnson why changing the classification of cannabis didn't make sense. I don't suppose for one moment the old boozer bothered to read it...

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I'll try to keep it simple for Alan.

I'm going to keep it simple because Alan Johnson has problems understanding science, evidence, truth, and above all he seems to have enormous difficulty understanding classifications. Or perhaps he is being bullied into doing stupid things by somebody who wants to "send a message" to us. Anyway, here we have a nice simple example...

A zoo decides to classify its animals, like this...

• A Dreadfully dangerous animals that will kill you if they get the chance
• B Fairly dangerous animals that might be able to give you a painful bite
• C Tame animals that you could keep as household pets

The zoo has a lion. It's quite obviously extremely dangerous, and they put it in group A. Pretty sensible, really.

They also have a few skunks. These don't hunt to to kill, and will only bite you if you really annoy them. They also happen to be able to spray you with an awful smell. They put these in group B. Are you with me so far, Alan?

For the benefit of those who like fluffy pets, the zoo has a pussy cat. It can bite and scratch a bit but can not sensibly be described as dangerous. The zoo lets children stroke it, but has a notice on the wall saying it might bite and scratch if they abuse it. So the zoo puts it in class C.

Now I'm pretty sure you can all, except possibly Alan Johnson and Gordon Brown, see what I am getting at here. For the benefit of Gordon and Alan, this is a metaphor for what you are doing with cannabis.

If some cartoon maker comes along and paints the pussy cat black with a white stripe along its back, only Pepe Le Pew is going to believe it is a skunk. It's a pussy cat and it is in class C, no matter how you paint it. Got me?

And, by the way, Gordon, only morons believe that skunks are lethal. Sure, they're pretty stinky, but I don't think a skunk ever killed anyone. [Gordon Brown, idiotically, believes there is a variety of cannabis (skunk, geddit?) that kills people.]