The Dear Leader's Diary - Fart 8

I should take a moment to congratulate myself on the efficiency of my campaign to become the undisputed ruler of our nation. All I needed was for 25% of the voters to vote for me, and I won 51% of the seats in the House of Commons. This overwhelming support means I can now do exactly as I wish, and Rupert has already given me a list of helpful suggestions.

Make no mistake, I am here to finish a job, and my massive overall majority of four can not possibly be eroded by some of our MPs defecting to another party, due to some mistaken "conscience" about what we will do. Philip Green and Sebastian Fox have been left out of the Cabinet, this time, but I'm sure they can be trusted. They are businessmen, after all.

And none of them will be so careless as to die and force a bye election or two. I shall be giving strict orders on that.

No. We are fit to govern, and God has seen to it that our fine, Christian, party is now here for good.

I am so confident that I believe I will tell Sam to book us a couple of extra holidays, somewhere I can get to another wine tasting would be good, although Australia is a bit far. I should really have my own plane, like my good friend Barry Obama. Then the dear voters could reward me with another £13,000 wine tasting trip. They are so generous that they really do deserve me!