Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Focus on the Beloved Leader

You can not have failed to notice that the Dear Leader is Currently in full election mode. The trouble is, of course, the only experience Callmedave has, from his time before he got the brilliantly intelligent, utterly unbiased, population of Witney to elect him rather than any of the many far better candidates, is as a PR wonk at one of the small television channels whose name I forget.

As a result of that excellent work experience, his idea of how to run an election campaign is all snappy soundbites of slogans with as little meaning as possible, accompanied by photographs of him looking earnestly at things. If I had room today, I'd add a photograph of another Dear Leader in somewhere like North Korea, who is also constantly photographed looking at things. But I don't, and anyway, the current election campaign is here. I think Callmedave's illustrious friend Kim Jong Thing would agree that he has this down to a fine art, and would probably wonder why Callmedave bothers with elections. 

Over the last few days, we have seen photographs in the Vauxhall factory in Luton, with a rather obviously obsolete Bedford van. This will have been designed to appeal to a particular demographic in the Luton area, no doubt. And here is Callmedave attempting to understand how a factory machine of some kind works. Notice that, as usual, he has dressed up to pretend he is like the other, common people in the photograph. It is this slick ability to appeal to lesser intelligences that has enabled him to fit in so effortlessly with those for whom he feels utter contempt, and relies on to pay his drinks bill.

I can't remember which dock this was, and I doubt if Callmedave can either, but I would just point out the absence of any ships. Perhaps it was Portsmouth docks? It doesn't matter, any port will do when you are trying to appeal to dock workers in your PR campaign. You'll notice he can't stop doing those gestures that make him such an adorable public speaker, even though he has managed to find his pocket with one hand.

Of course, our beloved Dear Leader doesn't only visit industrial places to make it look as if he has something to do with the success of those industries that his policies haven't destroyed yet. He also performs in front of audiences, stood at the lectern that has been following him round for ages. I chose this picture because it reminds us that he is constantly claiming to be following something he calls "Our Long Term Plan". I mention this because I have been trying for about three years to find this plan online, and I can't. Sometimes it's a Long Term Economic Plan, the name varies, but the Plan [and it is always pronounced as if it had capitals] is extremely elusive. One might almost begin to imagine that it didn't actually exist, but surely...

As earlier Dear Leaders, such as the blessed Phony Tony, have so often stressed, education is very important. There's no better way to stress this, obviously, than to be photographed with children too young to understand what harm you and your heroine have done to education. On this occasion, Callmedave was proudly announcing that a small part of the money he had cut from education was to be given back over a twenty year Plan, so that he would appear to be giving beeellions to education. This is a standard technique of his increasing popular party. Cut madly for four years, and then announce part of the money will be a new investment in the country, over the next twenty years, except that if you get back in, you resume cutting.

What do I really think of Callmedave, I hear you ask?

No comments: