Monday, May 18, 2015

An observation about prime ministers' eyes.

Don't worry, your Dear Leader will be back soon. I just want to bring back a blast from the past, about prime ministers, that I first mentioned in 2008.

Prime ministers all have strange eyes.

There were, obviously, prime ministers before Grocer Heath, but I start with him because I found this picture disturbing. Ignore, if you can, the stupid slogan behind him. His right eye is looking straight at you, but his left eye is looking at something above you, and a bit to your right.

Sorry if I frightened your children, but we have to examine this one. She's attempting to look cute, with that tilt of the head, but it doesn't hide the disturbing eyes. Again, the right eye is looking at you. That left eye is doing the same as Grocer's, checking the thing hovering over your right shoulder. You may be in more danger than you think... 

Don't look round now!

Here we see John Major, a man with a very strange upper lip, squinting. He's trying to hide the way his right eye isn't actually looking at you, unlike his left eye.

You may be tempted to wonder whether Mrs Currie saw both of his eyes wide open, but that way lies madness. And a court case if you say too much.

Besides, the next picture is a shocker...

It is hard to convince oneself that this man is sane. I'm not even going to try. He was a Tory at Oxford, and has told big lies to start a war. Which of those eyes do you think is looking at you? 

Still, if you want an example of how to get even wealthier while messing the country up, you would have a long way to go to find a better one.

Yes, I do know that Gordon Brown is blind in his left eye, due to an injury playing rugby. I'm sure I should be very slightly sympathetic about it, as he never made a fuss about it. But it's just a game, rugby, right?

[I live in Wales, and I would like to make it quite clear that that was a joke. Rugby is extremely serious and important, as everyone knows.]

And that brings us to the current incumbent. He looks at the camera with his left eye, while the right gazes into the distance, in search of more of your property to privatise. Notice, too, that he is doing his sex-doll mouth expression.

He has two other settings for his mouth: the one where he pretends to have no lips at all, and the one where he puts his tongue between his lips. 

In the first of these three, he is in the middle of telling us that he has lowered the national debt from £8 billion to £1.5 trillion, for which we are expected to thank him. In the second, he is trying to remember which football club he is supposed to pretend to support, and in the third, he is waiting for a carefully vetted supporter to finish asking the question they have been given to read out.

No, I don't like any of the people on this page. 

How did you guess?

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